this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
