I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
