He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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