I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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