I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
