I should be sponsored by Trojan
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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