awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
