Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize