Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
