The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
