i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
