saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
