I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
