DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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