I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
