I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
