Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
