By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
