I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
