I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vagina is talking i cant
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
