So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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