Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
