This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
