Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
