This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
