im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize