When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
