Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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