Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
