it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
