Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
