so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
home. puking in laundry basket.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
