4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
