Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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