why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
