Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize