So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
