I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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