I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
