how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
