the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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