My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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