i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
