i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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