you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
