My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
