we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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