If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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