Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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