just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
