I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
