I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
one two three fourrrrnication!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize