I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
