What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
