Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I puked a lego.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
