I want to have your abortion
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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