terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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