I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
