He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
