He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
