The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
