let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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