You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize