How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
