we're blogging at a bar
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
