I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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